Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
