You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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