Having a random hookup so left but love u
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
