the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
