he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The air was thick with penises
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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