i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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