so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
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one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
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He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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