I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
