We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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