oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
it's great music for shaving your balls
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
