just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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