I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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