I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
