you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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