I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
