Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
