it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
