Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Everything about him screamed your future.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
