Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
