Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
