i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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