Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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