Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
and she was petting her beer can
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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