he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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