i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize