Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We just shotgunned beers for America
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I had to cum in my sink.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
