why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
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I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
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In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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