she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
