If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
