Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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