:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
