You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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