Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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