i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
