My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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