Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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