Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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