I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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