Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
