A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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