I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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