Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
