Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
