I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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