U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit