He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.