I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
