So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
