So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
