I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
