hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
