A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize