Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
