I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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