Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
