the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
