she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
