Only a mothe r could love this liver
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
