I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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