i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
