He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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