I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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